Cancer Relapse and Falling Off

This happens to be Prince Harry, but I can certainly relate to his lament.  Cancer relapse is a major bummer-you feel like the horse just threw you for all it was worth,  and it required no justification or explanation for its action.  One day it just decided you were not riding. Period.  Full stop.

After enduring much cancer therapy with all its attendant unpleasantries, you're starting out not just from scratch, but a couple of notches lower.  Less than 2 years after much chemo and a stem cell transplant, you're off the remission wagon.

Not only that, but going forward, what they give you is called 'salvage therapy'.  That lovely moniker creates a surge of apathy for more treatment, I assure you.  You become angry, frustrated, and even lash out at those who are closest and trying their best to help and support you. Many wonder who replaced a reasonably stable and at times thoughtful person with a raving cancer lunatic.  Trust me, it isn't just the phase of the moon.

Many of you have made the subtle and deferentially non-judgmental reference to my avoidance of writing about this relapse.  Guilty as charged is all I can say.  Somehow when you are sitting on the ground licking your wounds, it can be just a little too challenging to write something that sounds half way inspired, positive, or even interesting for that matter. As if anybody needs more misery to deal with in their lives...

Having said that, guilt and shame are powerful emotions, and I have officially caved to them.  Life goes on, and either you get back up on the horse or continue to stare at the ground.  Like Harry,  I tired of the view.

Bear with me while awaiting inspiration.  Nothing worth doing is ever easy, and I suppose the same can be said for coming to terms with major league health disappointment.

So with a foot in the stirrups,  it's time to get back on the horse for another ride.

Thanks for indulging this emotional nadir and for your continued and unwavering suppport.

Warm wishes as always.